IntrepidWoman's Journey

Life is a highway (…or a crap-shoot)

Posted on: January 31, 2011

That song keeps passing thru my mind – Life is a Highway – don’t even know who sang it. Life is also a crap shoot. Today life is just plain frustrating.

I am having one of those days. Actually I have been having ‘one of those days’ for the last two years – from the time I made a phone call saying I might be interested in moving to a new job and a new place and a new life after 31 years in the same place. It will be two years in less than two months that I made that decision.

Since March 2009, my life has been chock full of surprises that started with so much joy and ended with so much pain and very little understanding of why it was happening.

I kept meeting people who let me down in countless ways. My change in jobs was so full of unexpected challenges that finally evened out just in time for different personal challenges that may end up in me giving up the job.

I do have to admit that it has all been character building. The thing is, I am already full of character after all these years of life’s challenges. Isn’t there a limit, for heaven’s sake? I am running out of space for all my character! Do I dump some of the early stuff? I think I have already or at least absorbed it to the point that it takes less room.

My current frustration has to do with not being able to plan anything or expect anything in my life. Every time I turn around, I get hit up the side of the head with one of those curve balls that comes out of nowhere.

This leads me to question, “What am I doing wrong?” There must be something! I talked it through today with a close friend, who patiently empathized, and I finally reached the bottom line which is my base understanding.

I look at earlier times in my life with the frustration of things not going as expected and after the fact being so relieved they did not. Of course that helps me to just stop and accept that it is not going a certain way now for a very good reason. That does not solve the problems that I have been carrying for two years, but it does explain why my prayers are not being answered. The worst part is things happen that get my hopes up and then smack, up the side of the head.

Timing, timing, timing and trust, trust, trust. I ‘preach it’ but find it hard some times to live it. Time is not on my side right now, financially especially. I must make a hard decision or go down the tubes financially. That is where the trust comes in, I guess.

Am I being ‘forced’ to make this hard decision? Maybe. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I shall write in my Gratitude Journal. I have such great people in my life including family and friends. My job is challenging and rewarding and I have a roof over my head. The rest of my life will just ‘happen’ as it is supposed to, I guess.

Life is a highway with curves in the road and bumps along the way, but the journey continues and that is a good thing.

Be still and listen. Yes. That is the answer.

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