Facing an addiction . . .
Posted on: September 18, 2011
If I have more than one alcoholic drink, I am asleep in the corner. Many years ago, I was married to an alcoholic who could party all night, won the at-party award for funniest stand-up comedian when drinking and who asked what was wrong with me because I did not have the same stamina. He was funny, but he was drunk and often.
I do have an addictive personality however, and it has come to the surface in many forms other than alcohol. The latest is Facebook. This world of connecting with people you’d lost track of and then following their posts of what they ate for breakfast and who they are ticked off at today had become my world.
It started innocently enough. I signed up, found people from my past and delighted in catching up with their lives. Then I was spending long evenings just hanging on-line, commenting here and there and even checking for updates as soon as I got up in the morning. After each day in the work world, I would unlock that front door at home and head straight for the computer. Between cooking, cleaning, watching a tv show, I would gravitate back to the computer, checking my email, then FB.
It all seemed innocent enough because it was a gradual slide into this obsession. One day I realized how ridiculous it was. Ninety of those ninety-eight people are not part of my real life. I am not going to make the effort to visit them, nor will they likely ever visit me. I really don’t give a rat’s tail that “R” had a busy day and wishes it was the weekend, or that another “R” is sitting in a cafe having a ‘Mucho Grando Poopo, extra-large’, or that “M”‘s daughter is beyond awesome in the school operetta.
So, what have I been doing on there? Standing on my own soapbox, in front of a sea of faceless computer screens, I have been sharing MY anecdotes about life and family. Do those ninety-eight people care that my grandkids are beyond cute and smart or that I have a new drama of the week in my life? A few people, my A list, take time to comment, as I do on their updates.
But Facebook should be like that one drink, occasional and just a brief encounter. As an addiction for me, it had gone too far.
Since the beginning of my FB journey, I have suffered the massive sharing of materialistic opulence at Christmas, the constant wishing it was Friday, the complaints against lazy husbands, bad hockey and more snow. I witnessed a one-day event that continued on FB for well over a year and an emotionally charged group who began in-fighting over a local news event.
I saw people at their worst and people at their best. I presented myself at my worst and maybe at my best (debatable), but I am finally finished. I have de-activated my account.
The first few days were difficult. I wanted to constantly ‘check’ what was happening on FB. I held back, saying I would stay off for a week, and what a week it was! I got so many other things accomplished! I read an awesome book, did household purging and thought about other things besides FB and its ‘peeps’.
I finally did check in on day 7. I had missed a few hundred posts. My mouse scurried through them. Same old, same old. I was let down and elated at the same time. Then I deactivated my account again and will attempt a 2 week hiatus this time. My goal – to either close my page for good or only drop in once a month.
In all fairness, I do miss the ‘friends’ who wrote with wit and gave me a daily laugh. I miss “P” and “S” whose anecdotal stories about their children were delightful, and “L” who is a born writer and expecting her first child with so much joy and gratitude after a long struggle to get pregnant. I miss “S” who tells stories of his escapades teaching in Asia.
In two weeks, I will go back to FB and find out what these few are up to, but I will not go back full-time. I have things to do and important decisions to make about my own life, and I want my free time to be exactly that, free, not attached to my FB page.
BTW – I found a FB addiction site on-line. People were expressing similar sentiments as mine, but I decided not to join. Everyone there had transferred their addiction from FB to this new site.
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