Posts Tagged ‘patience’
Just give me a sign . . .
Posted on: April 20, 2011
Have you ever prayed, “Please give me a sign?” Interesting concept when you are trying to figure out what to do with your life and are requesting a little guidance from the Big Guy.
I am one of these people who walk around with the sign flashing in neon over my head and it takes me eons to notice it. I continue to ask for a sign even though I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent.
My Higher Power is very patient though. He starts by tapping me gently on the head, then a little finger flick on my skull. When I still do not recognize the signs, he sighs and hits me over the head with one of those in-the-ditch, flashing-letters billboard-numbers. Ah, right.
The ‘signs’ I like the best are the ones that make no sense or they go against the grain of common sense. Okay, so If that is what I am supposed to do, why is it something that a lot of my friends and family are going to raise eyebrows at?
I remember when I first had entrepreneurial urges and wanted to be my own boss after working for others all my adult life. I had several ideas for a ‘home’ business and started looking for a building to buy. For five years, every summer, I would put my cute little house in Coleman up for sale, search and find a building, put in an offer conditional to my house selling and then, nothing. I think I almost bought half the Pass during those 5 summers. Correction – put offers in on half the Pass. I look back with relief that none of them made it to the finish line. Each time I had prayed, “If this is your will, let my house sell.”
That last summer I did not even put my house on the market first, but started building hunting out of habit. Bingo. I found it. I walked into the foyer and said, “This is it!” Then I told the realtor he had to sell my Coleman house as a condition of the offer to purchase. He did not even write-up a listing. Four hours later he had it sold. Now that is what I call a SIGN.
Right now I am at an interesting crossroads in my life. I made a move after living in the same area for 31 years, coming to a job that I am crazy-wild about. The interview, purging and packing, finding a place to rent, all happened without a hitch. Good signs that I was doing the right thing. The actual job has been wonderful and challenging and a great learning experience. Things were happening that I cannot mention for the first year that were equivalent to a bad day in hell but finally got resolved. Through it all, I still loved the job. Then when the light at the end of the tunnel looked brighter, finances leaped up and shrieked, “You can’t continue to carry two residences any longer!” My church, my chosen place for entrepreneurial joy, would not sell. It was shown, offers were made, offers fell through, the realtor aged before my eyes and nothing happened. As a distraction, I started looking for a new place to rent here because I am tired of a basement suite out-of-town after two years. I thought that would cheer me up.
Can you see the finger coming? Every attempt to rent hit the wall. By now, I am beyond frustration. All signs have been pointing to me moving back to my little church, but I had left the area because jobs were impossible to find. Why, oh why would I go backward instead of forward?
Time to challenge the sign. If I am supposed to move back, I must have a job to go to. I have a place to live there and my elderly mother lives in the area and could use some help from family. Two valid reasons to go back, so . . .
I saw a job advertised and applied for it today. If I end up getting it, that will be the flashing-billboard-sign in the middle, not on the side of the road. If I don’t get it, darned if I know what to do next.
I certainly wont stand too close to the curb though. The chances of another hit-and-run, flashing, neon sign are pretty high right now.
Stay tuned, says Intrepid Woman
That song keeps passing thru my mind – Life is a Highway – don’t even know who sang it. Life is also a crap shoot. Today life is just plain frustrating.
I am having one of those days. Actually I have been having ‘one of those days’ for the last two years – from the time I made a phone call saying I might be interested in moving to a new job and a new place and a new life after 31 years in the same place. It will be two years in less than two months that I made that decision.
Since March 2009, my life has been chock full of surprises that started with so much joy and ended with so much pain and very little understanding of why it was happening.
I kept meeting people who let me down in countless ways. My change in jobs was so full of unexpected challenges that finally evened out just in time for different personal challenges that may end up in me giving up the job.
I do have to admit that it has all been character building. The thing is, I am already full of character after all these years of life’s challenges. Isn’t there a limit, for heaven’s sake? I am running out of space for all my character! Do I dump some of the early stuff? I think I have already or at least absorbed it to the point that it takes less room.
My current frustration has to do with not being able to plan anything or expect anything in my life. Every time I turn around, I get hit up the side of the head with one of those curve balls that comes out of nowhere.
This leads me to question, “What am I doing wrong?” There must be something! I talked it through today with a close friend, who patiently empathized, and I finally reached the bottom line which is my base understanding.
I look at earlier times in my life with the frustration of things not going as expected and after the fact being so relieved they did not. Of course that helps me to just stop and accept that it is not going a certain way now for a very good reason. That does not solve the problems that I have been carrying for two years, but it does explain why my prayers are not being answered. The worst part is things happen that get my hopes up and then smack, up the side of the head.
Timing, timing, timing and trust, trust, trust. I ‘preach it’ but find it hard some times to live it. Time is not on my side right now, financially especially. I must make a hard decision or go down the tubes financially. That is where the trust comes in, I guess.
Am I being ‘forced’ to make this hard decision? Maybe. Time will tell.
In the meantime, I shall write in my Gratitude Journal. I have such great people in my life including family and friends. My job is challenging and rewarding and I have a roof over my head. The rest of my life will just ‘happen’ as it is supposed to, I guess.
Life is a highway with curves in the road and bumps along the way, but the journey continues and that is a good thing.
Be still and listen. Yes. That is the answer.
What I have learned by my 8th birthday and after a trip to France:
– It is okay to talk loud, laugh often and argue with those you love.
– Always wishing for Friday and the weekend is a merry-go-round that ends with a whole lot of missing life.
– If no one died because of it, then do not stress over it.
– Walking gets you there slower than driving, but oh, the view and the smells along the way!
– Never think that you are irreplaceable at your job and therefore you must devote your entire life to it. Everyone is replaceable. Everyone.
– Life is not a list of “to do’s”. We DON’T have to always:
> check our work emails after work hours or when on holidays,
> eat dinner right at 5 pm,
> take our shoes off at the door,
> tell kids to say please and thank you constantly and make them hug old people when they don’t want to,
> feel guilty when we read a book instead of scrub the toilet,
> say yes when deep down we want to say no,
> give a reason or excuse when we say no.
We should:
> take time to listen to the sounds of silence;
> take time to breathe in and breathe out and just be;
> get up really early to see the sunrise, smell the morning dew and walk through the grass in our bare feet;
> drive out of the city to a place where there are no lights reflecting in the sky to truly see the stars;
> really listen to the other person instead of planning what we are going to say next;
> go to the bakery early enough to buy a chocolate croissant while it is still warm from the oven;
> thank our Higher Power for every joy and every tear and every person who is part of our life – past, present and future;
> accept change as the reality of life. We do not grow without change;
> always be as kind to ourselves as we try to be to those we love;
> get over it and get on with it;
> be patient. Everything happens when it is supposed to. It may not be in our timing, but our timing is not always the right timing. The wait is always worth it. Always.
> and finally – always trust your gut. When that little voice or second sense or Holy Spirit, or whatever you want to call it, tells you something, listen and be guided, in all things big and small. You will never go wrong.
IntrepidWoman's Journey 