IntrepidWoman's Journey

Posts Tagged ‘senior thoughts

Dreams are wondrous things. I have had two that stand out very clearly in my memory. In the first, I was driving very fast on a winding road in a heavily forested area. At one point, I careened off the road and sailed into the air, knowing without a doubt that when the car landed, I would die. I woke up, shaken to the core. It was so real.

I eventually forgot that dream until a couple years later when I was heading to the city to visit family. I decided to take a back rode through a scenic, forested area. I was driving briskly along when I recognized that place in the dream where I went off the rode. I pulled over and stopped, reliving the dream in my mind, my heart pounding. After several deep breaths, I continued my trip, driving more slowly and with great caution.

The second dream was a feel-good experience where I realized I could jump high into the air and then float or fly around. I kept doing it over and over, enjoying the sensation of weightlessness and being able to look around and see below me. The sense of joy and freedom was wonderful. I woke from this one smiling.

Last night I dreamt I was working with a boss from my past, and it was frustrating and scary. A good friend who died a few years ago was also in this dream scene, which was a mix of my past careers and past acquaintances. I woke up coughing and in a mental fog, coming slowly back to my safe and calm reality.

In the dream, Bad Boss and I were in business together, but I never knew what he was doing from one minute until the next and I have no idea what kind of business it was.  The room, activities and people were constantly changing around me. At one point, on his way out the door, BB handed me some papers and left. I seemed to be running around trying to track people down to see what they were doing, and finally I glanced at the papers. Our company cheque had bounced and the receiver was stating that he was done with us. Distressed, I started running around again, trying to find BB.

When I told him the news he was not too concerned, but I was unable to show him the note, as I had set it down somewhere. Then I started searching for the note, stopping to talk to my Dear Friend who was standing by a wall of shelves containing art and craft supplies.  As I continued to walk the halls, searching for the note, I also began searching for DF, who had suddenly disappeared as well.  I had conversations with several people along the way. Finally, I started coughing and stumbled out of this nonsensical scene. It took a while to clear the grogginess and I was left feeling sluggish and unsettled.

i am not sure how accurate dream interpretation is, but it is likely very interesting. What brings people from your past into your dreams? What causes the same dream to happen more than once? Why do we remember some dreams and not others? Are some dreams a prediction of the future?

Sometimes a dream will hang over me for part of the next day. I feel like it was real and the experience, no matter how weird, may linger for hours. Last night’s dream is still with me. Maybe a long, hot shower will clear my head and reset my day.

DF was a good friend who was known for her kind heart and unlimited generosity. She died too young from a heart condition. BB was a boss from hell. He stole from the employer and from friends and clients, went on emotional rants with everyone quite often, lied and played the injured party for over two, long years before leaving town and his job.

I have not seen these two people for several years. They were never together in my life. I miss DF. I try not to ever even think about BB.

Last night was our first snow fall. I awoke from this dream to white and wet.

This is likely the strangest post I will ever write. At least I hope it is. Heading for that shower now.

Advertisements

No snow, a lingering cold for 5 weeks with laryngitis for the last two, very little energy to shop, and yet, I just had one of the nicest Christmases I can remember.

For as long as I can recall, I have felt a sadness at Christmas time. I never told anyone, just walked the walk and worked my way through the season. This year, as I drove back home from the mountains, late on Christmas evening, I realized the sadness had not reared its tiresome head this year.

Every year, it wrapped around me and I pushed through the season, dragging it along through all the fun and festivities. This year I was sick, exhausted from work, but felt very at peace without a trace of sadness.

I think it is because 2011 was a banner year. I was recovering from a second cancer surgery, with the removal of my thyroid in Nov. 2010 and was totally insolvent financially because of my little building in Bellevue that just would not sell. By the first anniversary of the surgery, everything had come full circle and I was back on track.

My life was back in order and everything was under control again. I found my Christmas boxes that had been missing the previous year and enjoyed seeing all my sentimental items from the last 40 years of collecting. Two years ago I had purged three times more than I kept, going from 25 boxes down to 3 bins. I had also purged a living space of over 2000 square feet down to under 700. I had an accumulation of stuff from a very long time and through several different lifetimes as circumstances constantly changed over the years.

I think purging has a lot to do with the end of the sadness. As we go through our lives, carrying so much baggage, emotional and physical, it just wears us down. I worked my way through a lot of baggage in the last year.

This Christmas was perfect. Time spent with sons and their families, watching little ones enjoy the magic of the season, having a wonderful, family dinner in Chinatown on Christmas Eve and ‘wife-saver breakfast’ made lovingly by Lyndsey on Christmas morning, listening to Carmen playing carols on the piano and sons bantering back and forth.

After the morning excitement of kids, gifts and breakfast, I drove to the Pass to spend the day with my mom, who recently turned 85. She cooked a turkey dinner for the two of us and we had a great time talking about the past and the present. The trip home late at night saw very little traffic on the highway and a total sense of peace in my world.

This Christmas season has been rich in love and laughter and full of the magic of children. It could not have been more perfect, except for missing those who were not with us, like Dean, living in Hong Kong.

It may not have been a white Christmas, but it certainly was a silver one.


Historically Speaking

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 46 other followers

%d bloggers like this: